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Story - JA - For I have sinned - Chapter twelve ~ The human heart has hidden treasures |
| Name: |
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Cosima |
| Date Posted: |
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Apr 3, 05 - 3:36 AM |
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Chapter Twelve ~ The human heart has hidden treasures
The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed;
The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
Whose charms were broken if revealed.
And days may pass in gay confusion,
And nights in rosy riot fly,
While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,
The memory of the Past may die.
But, there are hours of lonely musing,
Such as in evening silence come,
When, soft as birds their pinions closing,
The heart's best feelings gather home.
Then in our souls there seems to languish
A tender grief that is not woe;
And thoughts that once wrung groans of anguish,
Now cause but some mild tears to flow.
And feelings, once as strong as passions,
Float softly back a faded dream;
Our own sharp griefs and wild sensations,
The tale of others' sufferings seem.
Oh ! when the heart is freshly bleeding,
How longs it for that time to be,
When, through the mist of years receding,
Its woes but live in reverie !
And it can dwell on moonlight glimmer,
On evening shade and loneliness;
And, while the sky grows dim and dimmer,
Feel no untold and strange distress
Only a deeper impulse given
By lonely hour and darkened room,
To solemn thoughts that soar to heaven,
Seeking a life and world to come.
(Charlotte Brontë)
The mood at the dinner table was low for even though all were present for the sake of the family no one present felt like entertaining the other. And when Elizabeth invited everyone to spend time in the music room the response was rather indifferent. Aurelia found much pleasure in playing with Abby while Alex and Diana were sitting together in silence; Diana was reading and Alex was studying several books he had brought home from university. Elizabeth found no pleasure in her book while Darcy was about to excuse himself for the night when Alex suggested that Diana should sing something. Memories of a dear event immediately came flowing back to Darcy and Elizabeth; both were caught in a loving glance remembering the first loving gaze they had shared over the piano. Diana, who had changed into a white satin gown with a pinkish stola, accepted Alex's offer gladly; having a beautiful soprano voice the task at hand presented no difficulty to her. Sitting down at the pianoforte she starting looking through the pile of scores and songs, an old collection Georgiana had put together so carefully. The moment Diana started playing time seemed to stand still for not even Georgiana had been capable of playing that exquisitely at such a tender age. The timbre of her voice was rich and golden with a silvery ping to it.What a brilliant choice, Darcy thought; he had recognized Bellini's melodious masterpiece immediately.
Qui la voce sua soave
mi chiamava...e poi sparì.
Qui giurava esser fedele,
qui il giurava,
E poi crudele, mi fuggì!
Ah, mai più qui assorti insieme
nella gioia dei sospir.
Ah, rendetemi la speme,
o lasciate, lasciatemi morir.
Elvira's mad scene from Bellini's opera "I Puritani" had never sounded more lovely to Darcy's ears than now, not even Maria Malibran's performance which he had heard while traveling through Italy had had such an impact on him. The serenade on a lover who had been untrue and then cruelly left his sweetheart to melancholy and hysteria awoke sad memories of loss and perished dreams.
Maria Malibran, one of Bellini's muses
The haunting pathos of Bellini's melodies and the sadness of her timbre merged with a glittering air of virtuosity as she tackled the cabaletta holding most difficult coloratura, runs and high notes. But here Bellini's gaiety failed to convince Darcy, the turn backwards was too fast, too cut off to be taken seriously. And yet her voice soared above all flaws the libretto had without a doubt, it was as if Diana had found herself in Elvira's sad melancholy and gaiety.
Vien, diletto, è in ciel la luna!
Tutto tace intorno intorno;
finchè spunti in cielo il giorno,
vien, ti posa sul mio cor!
Deh!, t'affretta, o Arturo mio,
riedi, o caro, alla tua Elvira:
essa piange e ti sospira,
vien, o caro, all'amore..
She was so full of contradictions, it was impossible to comprehend her complex nature. How come she was able to play and sing so well if her family was poor and not of the good ton? Truth be told Darcy was tired of trying to understand her, her many charms had exhausted him and even though her hold on him had not weakened he didn't feel like being in her company any longer. Her presence, her voice and only the way the silken folds of her stola seemed to caress her lovely slender arms had an unwanted effect on him, the vision of her was more than troubling. Closing the book he had had no leisure to read anyway he got up and kissed Elizabeth's hand.
"Excuse me, my dear. Please, enjoy the lovely music, I'm suffering from a headache and shall withdraw for the night!"
Elizabeth herself didn't feel well and wanted to lie down and therefore decided to ask Aurelia to take care of Abigail and then she wanted to go upstairs and finish the conversation she and William had started previously. Obviously the memories were painful to him because once he had started opening his heart to her his entire appearance had changed. Of course it was a change that was noticeable to her experienced eye alone. When he thought himself unwatched he would appear more brooding and tense than usual, his speech, though still civil and gentlemanlike would become short and uninvolved and his gaze would drift away from the person talking to him or the object he appeared to pay attention to. Elizabeth was more determined than ever to find out what plagued her beloved and, whatever it was, to give him all the support he needed.
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Being left alone by both Alex's parents, Aurelia and Abigail, Diana started playing a simple piece for the piano to delight her fiancé. But as much as Alex took delight in her musical skills he wanted to have a conversation with her now.
"That was a lovely piece, my love!" he smiled at her.
"Thank you, dearest! Do you want me to play another one?" she offered.
"Actually I'd prefer to talk to you for just a little. We haven't discussed our wedding in a long time... Of course there were obstacles but I'm sure that my parents would be delighted to give a ball in honour of our betrothal. My aunt Georgiana told me of the ball Mama and Papa had given for her and I'm sure they'd do the same for you!" He clasped her hands tenderly.
"But don't you think that Abigail comes first? Of course the little darling has to recover fully first, she's your sister after all!" Her words were stingy and hard, it was as if she meant the exact opposite of what she had just said.
"But sweetheart, of course I didn't mean that we should rush into anything! It's just that I love you so much and that's what I want to show to the world! I want all other men to know that I'm engaged to the kindest, loveliest and most adorable woman in the land!"
Diana made a face. "In the land?"
"In the world!" he amended and kissed her hand.
"Let go of me!" Her voice sounded harsh. "I want to retire for the night!"
Alex's face fell at her rejection. Being used to her wild temper he tried to soothe her with tender words but all he saw was that the tension that was gripping her seemed to grow with each word he said. "Have I hurt you in any way? If it's about the music..."
Diana got up and, after tearing herself away from him, turned her back on him. It was all so irritating; his compliments did nothing to calm down the anger that was boiling within here, what new was there in compliments that had been old when Cleopatra was young? How could he possibly believe that she could be caught in the net of empty words and declarations?
"No, it is not about the music! It's just that I want to be left in peace! Ever since I came here I hardly had some time for myself! Why is it so hard for you to understand that I don't want to spend all my time with you swooning to poetry, music and declarations of love?" Her voice sounded harder than she had intended, the effect was all too visible. His face became grim and his lips tightened.
"I see that I was misled by a misapprehension! A very foolish mistake indeed, please forgive me. Of course you want to be alone, just like me you need your solitude and prefer to have some time alone. I shall respect your needs more from now on!" His voice was quiet but not that sort of quietness that might be overheard. It was dangerously calm and bare of any emotion.
"I'm pleased to hear that!" she gave back coldly. The glimmer she saw flaring up in his eyes cut her to the core. Watching him leaving her she went back to the pianoforte and started playing another song. Afterwards she took a deep breath, got up and left the room to do what had to be done.
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As much as he had done to appear unmoved by Diana's apparent coldness Alex now felt completely put down. He had turned to her for comfort but instead of warm words all she had given him was biting sarcasm and hateful coldness. Loving her had become his second nature but now he wanted something she wasn't willing to give. Before he noticed it he had arrived at Aurelia's door. Without thinking much he knocked and after a kind Come in! was heard he opened the door and entered her room.
"Aurie, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you..."
Aurelia was sitting by the fire reading a book. Abby had fallen asleep after the treatments even before she had pulled the covers over her thus allowing Aurelia to read a little before going to bed. As usual she was wearing a white gown but here, in the privacy of her room, she had taken the pins out of her red curls allowing them to cascade down her back beautifully. She put the book aside immediately and gave him a kind smile.
"Of course you're not bothering me, Alex. It's me, remember? Have I ever been bothered by your presence?"
Her gentle and witty response brought a smile to his lips.
"No, I guess I was stupid. But Aurie, you're a young woman now, I have to treat you respectfully!"
Aurie's eyebrows went up in mock surprise. "Are you trying to tell me that you didn't treat me with respect before I was grown up?"
"Of course not...er.. you know what I mean!" He was clearly flustered.
"Come, sit by the fire and tell me!"
"How do you know I came upstairs to tell you something?"
Aurelia smiled sweetly. "Alex, I'm young but I'm not stupid. I know you better than most people and I can see clearly that something is bothering you," she responded candidly.
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With Abigail sleeping in her own room Darcy and Elizabeth had all the privacy that was required to resume their previous conversation. Darcy attended to some business first while Elizabeth was reading her book by the fire. Both said Good Night! to Abigail and decided to go to bed themselves because it was late and the following day promised to be hard and tough. While getting ready for bed they barely spoke but after lying down both found peace in each other's arms for several long moments of tenderness.
"William, I want to know everything. There is so much you haven't shared with me, please tell me now!"
"I hardly know where to begin... Perhaps I'll tell you the easy part first," he began carefully. "When my parents had their first child it was named after my grandfather Thomas Elegius Darcy. Four years later they had another boy, me...." Here his voice broke with emotion for just an instant. "Tom was the pride of my parents, the most adorable young boy in the county... He was fair, talented and he had a good heart. Unlike his distant younger brother he had no difficulties in bonding with other children.. You see, Elizabeth, he was the one defending me when other children were calling me a pompous, arrogant fool or worse..."
"But not being capable of being as social as others is hardly a crime!" Elizabeth interjected causing Darcy to smile bitterly.
"That's what you're saying now, my dearest, but do you remember how you and I disliked each other at first sight?"
"But it resulted in the most beautiful life imaginable, if you ask me, our story is far more riveting than all Shakespeare Dramas put together because it was unpredictable!" she smirked.
"Well, to get back to my story, let me tell you about Tom's life as my brother and how he died..." A frenzied knock on the door interrupted his tale. They hardly had time to put on their robes when they heard another knock.
"Come in!" Elizabeth cried.
The door flew open and a horrified Aurelia ran into the room. She was in her nightgown, not even wearing a robe.
"Aunt Elizabeth! Mr. Darcy! Abby... Abby... She..." She was breathing heavily.
Elizabeth's chest tightened fearfully. What was it about her baby? Had there been a lapse? Was she unconscious again? Aurelia's words cut to the core of the frenzied mother. "I wanted to do the treatments and when I came in Abby's room it was empy! She's nowhere to be found! Abby is missing!"
To be continued |
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