Sounds pretty bad, maybe a visit to the vet might be best.

Don't get the refs to various people though. I've never watched CSI and I've no idea who Barry Scott is, or the ref to Jeremy Clarkson. I know who he is but don't get the connection to cold meat buffetts. I'm veggie anyway so perhaps that's why. Hmmm, sorry.

Poor Steve, and even more poor Kell, how could you let him fall down the stairs and hurt himself, then treat him with pliers! These things happen.
A woman's work is never done, as you now know, but it's great that you take such pride in it